Stereotyped!

                 

            I am much aware about the adjectives given to the single child viz., spoilt, selfish, anti-social. Being stereotyped is an old affair for ‘the onlys’. I very often find myself going defensive about myself by saying, ‘yes, I am single to my parents but I blend with my cousins very easily’ ‘I am not awful but as normal as others’ ‘O’yes, I like sharing and it comes spontaneous to me’ ‘No, no, I am not a loner!’ ‘Yes, I do things my way but that even the ones who have siblings do!’ ‘I can handle pressures’ 'Well, I don’t like to take sarcastic humor or pulling down humor, but has this anything to do with me being the only child’ ‘Not that everyone likes to fight but arguments make me super-uncomfortable’ ‘yeah, I cry easily but I am a human and humans sometimes suck and they don’t only suck because they are the only child’  ‘I like my privacy and respect others’ privacy too’.

        Due to the stereotypes of ‘the onlys’ of being shy, emotionally under-developed and socially awkward, my parents trained me to be socially outward by constantly putting me into group activities and oration competitions, sending me home-away in cousins for months, putting me into boarding at an early age, letting me extend my friend circle and many times having a friendly chat with me in my teenage.

    Well! Research says that, ‘siblings can have a buffering effect when there is a parental dysfunction in the home, in which case having siblings tends to dilute the negative impact of such stressors’. Siblings can share the death or health worries of the parents which otherwise is pretty scary for a single child to bear. On the other hand, in the world of siblings, ‘the onlys’ very often face a setback of being ignored, being less-trusted in their tasks, being underestimated, being judged for their smallest behavior and often looked down for their less confidence apparently. As a single child as I have been thriving to give my best in relationships, duties, domestic tasks, humanitarian approach, I do not get an equivalent response from the world of siblings. I try to hunt for a sibling in a friend, a permanency in a relation, a family in a relative, a bonding in a relation, and I also try to pour in the best of mine. On a temporary basis I do get a cozy response for my investment of emotions but it always comes with validity. After some time I am supposed to re-invest and renew the bond by proving myself again and get nominated once again for the relation. If I give the best or better than before then I am reconsidered for the relations or else I am judged for being detached or I fail to be as attached as before as per their scale. I don’t know whether the siblings have to prove their existence and ability to each other in a relation again and again but I will definitely like to relieve myself from the pressure of relation validity, of being judged and also the repetitive proving affair. The way ‘the onlys’ want to be a part of your family or easily accept the other one as a family; similarly they should be accepted unconditionally and without any relation-expiry-date. 

My Hero!

 

    

As I sync into the typical teeth chattering winters in Nasik, the winds of Niphad carry away my thoughts to the Ramsar wetland site of the Nandur-Madhyameshwar. Although I anxiously wait to witness the local, the migrants, the settled-migrants birds in this wetland, the most exciting site for me is away from the crowd, a long cobra-like swaying neck of the heron. Right there in the aquatic society, it still prefers being alone. Herons are loyal for their life and have single partners (they are monogamous) just like albatross. Their nests are  placed not accessible to the ground predators (on trees) and are built of sticks, creating large platforms up to a metre across. They lay around 2-5 bluish green eggs once in a year, babies are called branchers and both heron parents help turn by turn in incubation and guarding of the eggs, they feed the babies together till it becomes adult. Ma and pa heron equally share their responsibilities and duties towards their family. Usually in the night, neck-curled herons rest on the trees with the family. These otherwise loners are sociable when nesting. Herons are very smart and they outsmart their predators by feeding at a distance from them. They can also wade under water 1 to one and a half feet in search of prey during night. They are very intelligent, highly mobile and migratory. To our eyes, the actual prey capture appears instantaneous but in reality, the heron waits very long in patience and stillness before the actual catch. Here, Heron teaches us the quality of patience, of observing with an enthusiastic eye and creating an opportunity without wasting any moment. Heron mostly symbolizes tranquility, patience and stillness to me. The Bird also signifies beauty and determination for it prospers on the threshold where land and shore exists together. As I keep staring at this peaceful and calm beauty, it gives me the feeling of healing and sacred serenity. In observing the heron I feel motivated to become like one, meditative and still, yet thoughtful.